Answers are good

For the past few months we have been waiting to hear about Hubby's job, where the Head Shed wants him and how long we are going to have two homes.  The problem is, and it's actually not really a problem, the longer we are up home, the more it seems like home and the more comfortable it feels.  We, all four of us, love this new town and new friends and new church.  When I think about leaving and going back down home, it makes me sad, I keep thinking I want more time here.  But emotions are mixed because it will be nice to be back where we know that we will be forever.  I know at this point I am rambling, but it's hard to express how I feel.  Finally we have an answer, they want us to stay put a while longer.  I was so relieved because it is something that is not hanging in the balance any more.  I am excited about the prospect of hanging around here a while longer.  The potato plants are blooming and I'd love to see the harvest and now I know that we will be here to take part in it.  I know that soon after that the snow will be flying, but I'm okay with that.  Can you hear that sigh of relief? 

So, now to focus on the future, here, up home.  *contented sigh*

How much time has passed anyway?

A blog?  I have a blog?  Really?  Summer is wonderful.  It's my favorite, but it goes by way too fast, especially in the "tundra" that I live in.  The problem with summer is that we are always running here and there and everywhere soaking up every bit of vitamin D that one can possibly do in a northern climate.  The water is such a magnet when the temps soar, and I recgonize that temps soar to the upper 80's here, so that is a very relative term.  I say that I have the kiddos on a clubbing schedule, late to bed, late to rise.  Isn't that backward of what we are supposed to do?  But it's summer.  Today there is nothing to do except fix meals.  The house is clean, most of the laundry is done.  So after this information dump, I think I'll take my book outside and soak up those wonderfully warm rays of sunlight.

Speaking of books, I have fallen in love with David Baldacci.  He is great!  Love his books!  You like who dun 'em's?  This is good stuff.  The Camel Club is the first book in one of his series about, guess who?  The Camel Club.  Those guys are great!  I need more Camel Club since I have read them all now.  Please, Mr. Baldacci....I need another one!

School.  That's another thing in my long list of stressors at the moment.  We are homeschooling again this year and I'm excited about it because this year it's mine.  I have the ownership.  We will not be back down home anytime in the near future, if I can predict, so I'm not relying on the school as much as I did last year and that has a feeling of liberation to tell you the truth. 

Long list of stressors, you ask?  For the past year, I feel like we have been living on faith.  Faith that our Creator knows the best for our future and trusting Him to place our steps exactly where He wants them.  Hubby calls it being stretched.  I say, OUCH!  I'm dealing with my stretching day by day, but the last few days seem to have piled on a bit heavier than usual, and I'm sure there's hormonal issues involved, but it's been harder to keep it together.  I so wish that God would just show me what the plan is, let me glimpse into the future, but I know that's not happening, so again we are back to faith and stretching and ouch-ing and trusting.  My uncle said to me, Sarah, the Lord is always good.  He is.  I know it, way deep down I know it.  It's my life, how I've always lived, but that doesn't make it easy either.

Father, thank you for already knowing my family's future.  Thank you for directing us.  Help me to keep trusting and help me to always remember those memorial stones that have been set up previously to show me how you have always provided.

40 Days of Seeking Him - Day 29 ( I think! )

Suffering.  I have had heartache in my life, but suffering, I'm not really sure.  Jesus did.  A lot.  Last night our Pastor spoke on suffering and suffering well.  He went right to Job first off.  That man, how he got through what he did, I have no idea.  His wife, his best friends told him to curse God or that suffering was all his fault and he needed to get a grip, repent and stop sinning.  Then God spoke and shut them all up.

Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?  

Tell Me, if you have understanding.

Who determined its measurements

Surely you know!

Or who stretched the line upon it?

To what were it's foundations fastened?

Or who laid its cornerstone,

When the morning stars sang together,

And all the sons of God shouted for joy?

Job 38:4-7

God continues speaking in this fashion for another couple chapters reiterating that He alone is God and He alone knows why things happen they way that they do.  He never offers Job an explanation of why He did what He did and Job answers in the last chapter, "I know that You can do everything, that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You."  Amazing.  After all that suffering, Job acknowledges that God has total control and Job seems to be okay with that.  Where else would we run under suffering?  The way of the world?  It holds nothing that can satisfy.  Only God alone has the comfort and the peace that our aching heart needs. 

The weeks leading to the cross, Jesus knew what lied ahead of Him.  The suffering that He experienced I cannot even comprehend.  We had lots of heartache in our life last week, did you see that post?  It puts everything in to perspective, what is important and what is not.  Pastor finished his message with familiar verses, but verses that bring comfort and strength.  I Peter 4:12 states: "Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you, but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ's sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy."  Now, I realize that Peter is writing this letter to Christian that are being persecuted and martyred for the sake of the Gospel and that is not happening to us in our trials and sufferings, but I do think that we can gain comfort through these words in any trial that we find ourselves in.  Our pastor closed with this charge that I hope I will always keep in mind, "Suffer well."

The Peace that Passes all Understanding

Last Thursday night Hubby got a call that a Game Warden Pilot and friend hadn't been heard from for a few hours but that they weren't too worried, it could be a simple explanation.  The reason Hubby was called was that it was happening in his Troop.  Everything changed when we woke up.  The pilot still had not been located and they were bring in the troops.  I got word a few hours later that he had been found inside his crashed plane and that he was dead.  This wasn't just any pilot to us, he was our friend, our neighbor for a few years back down south, he and his family attended our church there for years and Hubby had coached both his sons in high school basketball.  Hubby did a great job keeping it together and he was asked on Saturday to do the eulogy for the funeral.  Fast forward to Wednesday.  The funeral was attended by over 1500 uniformed officers.  Every Game Warden was there along with a large contingency of Troopers and other Maine LEO's.  Fish and Wildlife Officers from all over New England as well as other states were there too.  It was amazing to see them all together, all moving in unison, it made me fall in love with my law enforcement family all over again.  He was given a grand send off, but more importantly, he loved God very much and I know exactly where he is and I look forward to seeing him again.

Before the funeral began, my sister in law told me that she had just gotten a call from the hospital that Hubby's grandfather was not doing well at all.  She was headed to the hospital with my mother in law to say goodbye.  After the funeral we found out that he had a heart attack but was improving.  After Hubby had completed all his obligations for the funeral and burial, we headed to the hospital.  We found out that he had stabilized and was doing remarkably better. 

After a pretty good night sleep, one of the first in a week, Hubby headed to a meeting in the southern part of the state, I dropped the girls off at school and headed to visit a friend who is suffering from a brain tumor that is inoperable.  When I got there she told me that she was glad that she was doing worse because she is so ready to see Jesus and get to Heaven.  Her kids are a bit younger than I am her husband passed away unexpectedly 2 years ago.  She has fought cancer as long as I have known her, I've been around almost 15 years.  It was so much more emotional than I could have ever anticipated.  How often do you get to say goodbye to some one?  I have never had that opportunity.  To say goodbye to someone who has had a profound impact on your life as a Christian, as a wife and as a mom is so hard.  She must have apologized for the way that she looked 3 times before she said, "See, Sarah, God is still working on me and my pride!"  Her tumor has given her some paralysis on the right side of her face and she is quite swollen from the prednisone that she had been on.  It was so nice to be able to pray with her and feel her peace, the peace that only God can give.

After I got a grip and left the house, I called my SIL to see if she needed anything, she was still at the hospital with Gramp and I ended up running food over to the wife of the pilot for her.  When I got to the house, which I figured would be still packed with people, I found only her, her son and her son's girlfriend.  It was so nice to be able to sit down with her.  I told her how well she had done the day before at the funeral and she attested to the peace of God that passes all understanding, she put the emphasis on the "all".  We talked about how people without a faith in God get through all the hard things that life throws at us, neither of us had an answer. 

On our way to head back up north, we stopped to see Gramp again.  He was sitting up in bed and eating everything on his plate.  I'm so thankful for God's mercy on his life.  We got a big snow storm up here, 12-14" on April Fool's day for us.  Our regular plow man didn't plow us out, it was his brother.  I went to check Facebook because our plow man's daughter had twin babies at about 24 weeks gestation and one of the babies had not been doing well.  I found out that the baby had died last night.  I cannot imagine loosing a child.  The aunt of the baby had posted a message stating "Ella entered the presence of the Lord at 7:40pm and was completely healed at that moment".  Again, the peace that only God can give is radiating from this family feeling this heavy loss. 

Why God does what He does, I will never understand when so much heartache accompanies it.  I do trust Him though.  I know that He is working out His perfect plan and I'm thankful to be a part of it.  But what I know is that He give us His peace, His peace that passes all understanding, a peace that you have no comprehension of until the very moment that you need it and He alone gives it.  I am so thankful for this peace, how does one get along in life with out it? 

He heals the broken hearted

And binds up their wounds.

He counts the number of the stars;

He calls them all by name.

His understanding is infinite.

Psalm 147:3-5

Thursdays Tied with Love and Laughter

Over at Our Family Forest, check out Jen's Meme.  I love them because they focus on our marriage!  If our marriage isn't a priority our family structure crumbles. 

This week she is asking the question about the best getaway with Hubby.  There is two that come to mind.  One was the celebration of our 10th year of marriage and we went to a B&B in Stowe, Vermont.  We had never been to a B&B before and it was wonderful!!  It was the first time that I had ever left the kids overnight but they weren't too far away and they were being spoiled by my parents. 

The other time that sticks out in my mind was actually courtesy of the Army.  Every once in a while the Army comes in with a nice perk.  The chaplains hosted a Strongbonds weekends in Cape Cod.  There were classes on conflict resolution and practice sessions too.  They carved out lots of date time though.  They let us loose on Saturday, early in the afternoon to go explore and be together and focus on each other.  We found ourselves at Cold Stone Creamery, the first time we'd ever been, at dinner time, what a treat!  Then went and did a bit of sight seeing, hit the beach at dusk and sat in a life guard chair watching the stars come out.  I think we got some Chinese later on, but it was just so nice to be away from home and the phone and the computer and the kids to have uninterrupted conversation and connection.  I love being with my kids, don't get me wrong, but I love being with my husband too.  He's my best friend, my confidant.  I appreciate him and really enjoy spending time with him. 

After all this talk I think I need to plan another getaway!

Lent Day 7

I'm working through the Bible study Loved by God by Liz Curtis Higgs.  I did parts of it years ago with the ladies group at our church.  It has been good this time because I have been able to take my time and go through it on my own pace, which has been painfully slow.  Today I read where Jacob wakes up after dreaming about the ladder going into Heaven.  Genesis 28:16-17 reads:

Then Jacob awoke from his sleep and said, "Surely the Lord is in this place, and 

I did not know it."  And he was afraid and said, "How awesome is this place!  

This is none other than the house of God, and this is the gate of Heaven!"

The study went on to talk about the fear of the Lord and how this fear should be manifested in our lives.  God is with me, He's with me all the time.  Why doesn't my life always reflect that?  I'm not a bad person, I don't have things that are overtly evil in my life, but it's all the little things.  Like not having enough patience, or a TV show that is inappropriate, or a regimented quiet time with the Lord, or I could go on and on, but I think you know what I mean.  Why is not that reverence there all the time?  I fall into the "out of sight, out of mind" mentality so much.  Every day I need to wake up and say, "Surely the Lord is in the place!" because He is!  It's kind of a scary thought to me, but how much richer would life be if, consciously, every day remind myself that God is here.

This Week: Flying By!

This week has been going by at break-neck speeds!  I had high hopes of joining in on every one of the 40 days of Lent but that does mean that I can't start now! 

Hubby had drill with his army unit last weekend and the girls and I went along to hang out in the hotel and pool all weekend.  It was great fun to be together and having fun.  Belle jumped off the side of the pool for the very first time and found out how much fun that was.  On Sunday during lunch, Hubby threw us and curve ball and long story short we all went with him down to West Point to meet his division commander to tie up all those details that needed attention for his summer mission down there.  Another motive for going down was to see my friend who lives close to West Point.  We got to spend time with her and her kiddos and both of our families got to have dinner together.  It was so fun.  The trip back was long, but we all survived and can't wait for the opportunity to do it again.  But all that fun meant that we had to do extra school when we got back.  We crammed 4 days into 2 and then headed Friday night back down south to #1 house for AWANA games with my girls.  We have a frozen line going between the house and our septic and Hubby and his dad worked Saturday to get that crappy problem resolved.  Like that pun?  Okay, I know I'm getting boos!  And then back up north to make sure that we were in church on Sunday.  Have I mentioned how much I love the church that we go to?  The pastor is a straight from the heart kind of guy.  He makes my brain sweat.  Hubby coined that phrase, but I think he is so accurate.  The people are wonderful and so accepting of us.  It's been great. 

The busyness of life can easily get in the way of quiet time with God.  I have made excuses all week for not being in the Word, but it's not good enough.  You don't grow if you don't eat.  Lent has been in the back of my mind, nagging me to get back on the right path.  I'm glad to have this focus this Lent season.  I was discussing Lent with my brother and we were talking about how much we celebrate Christmas and the emphasis that we put on it.  Christmas is great and I love the Christmas season, but if Jesus was born, but never died and rose again, salvation would not exist.  We sang "In Christ Alone" yesterday at church.  I love this verse that pretty much sums up my beliefs:

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again

And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

Father God, thank you so much for sending your Son to die, to die for me.  Thank you for forgiveness, for wiping my slate clean, for choosing me to be one of your children.  I want to live the way that you want me to, I want to be unashamed.  Thank you for your mercy.  In Jesus's holy name, Amen.