This is the place that I can get it all out, right? Please don't judge me, I have all this pent up frustration that needs an outlet. I have tortured Hubby enough with my frustrations, so I thought this would be a good forum to let it out. To all 6 of you who follow this blog, I won't hold it against you if you stop reading right here. Here. That's good. :)
I started homeschooling out of necessity, or what I deemed necessary. We moved in the middle of October last year to a rent that we knew was going to be short term and about 30 minutes from where we wanted to settle. After a month of living there we moved to another rent, pretty close to where we thought we wanted to settle. There is a great Christian school about 15 minutes away, but we thought our lives were still in transition because Uncle Sam had come knocking and we knew we were headed over seas in a couple months. And, in true Army fashion, a month before orders were to be cut, we were cut, meaning no moving. Talk about a change in focus! So we checked out the Christian school and were told by Hubby's superiors not to get too comfy where we are, they would move us back to down home sooner rather than later and around the same time the Army said...we want you....to come to Wisconsin! It's at this point where I knew that the Christian school was once again not the option we wanted since we'd be moving again. The ironic thing about all this...Hubby's superiors said, we want you to stay, and the Army said...we are closing down the Wisconsin mission...and we are back to being here and being totally content at the same time. To me the peace that settled was only from one Place.
So, what's a girl to do besides settle in and get to really know those around her and those that are like minded. Enter the Homeschoolers group. Instead of being a non-participant-cuz-I'm-not-going-to-be- around-er I decided I'd participate. Most of our meetings have been centered around extra curricular activities, not really what I was looking for in a group, but December's meeting the question was thrown out, "Any questions in general about homeschooling?" There were no takers and I'm filled to the brim with questions, looking to glean knowledge from those who have been doing it a long time. I'm not a novice, this is my 3rd year, but still, I'm all about making education better. So, I open my mouth and say, "My 4th grader declared school 'boring'!" I got lots of giggles and I knew I had kindred spirits in the group. I'm not looking for school to be super exciting, it's school. It is what it is, but I don't want it to be boring. A few suggestions were thrown out but then the question of...what are you doing exactly? was made. I laid out what Ariel is doing in school, Math, English, Spelling, Literature & Creative Writing, Science, Social Studies, Bible and Animal Science. The horrified looks I got threw me for a loop! The conversion then switched to maybe you could let something go, maybe you are trying to do too much, maybe the extra stuff could be dropped for a while, etc. I was told I was an over achiever. That actually made me feel very proud, I would so much rather be that than the opposite. But all I could think of is...what am I doing that is extra? What I am doing is what she would be expected to do if she was at school, Christian or public. I then felt like I needed to be on the defensive and explain why I was doing what I was doing. A few days later, a friend, who was not at the meeting, approaches me at a totally unrelated event and tells me that she heard about the meeting that knows that I am doing too much. There are so many things that bothered me about that, let alone the statement that she made.
So here's my tirade. Not all homeschoolers are looking for the easy way out. Not all the mom's in the group that night thought I was crazy, but most of them did. Why don't we as moms want our kids to have the very best education that our kids can get? Ariel wants to be a doctor. She is in 4th grade and I know that she will change her mind ten times between now and the time that she graduates. Med school may not be where she chooses to go in the end, but I don't want med school to not be an option for her because I was neglectful in giving her the education that she needs. If my job is to be the teacher for my girls, why wouldn't I want to push them, it's what I do. It's the job that I have right now. I don't have any accountability for my kids' education other than telling the state I'm homeschooling and sending them a test or portfolio each year of their progress. I don't have a principal evaluating my work or parents telling me they think their kid is learning or not. All I have are the grades that they are getting on their tests and I see the work that they do day in and day out, but I'm not a 1st or 4th grade teacher. I don't know exactly what they are supposed know for their grade level. I'm thankful for the people who have written their curriculum and I am trusting that they knew what they were doing. I don't feel like I'm pushing my kids, I feel like they are living up to their potential. They are both smart kids, I'm not talking genius, I'm talking smart, they know what they are doing and with a little coaching, they get it. I'm thankful for that fact each and everyday. So why not give them a normal work load, or a bit extra, when they can handle it fine? Why not try to make their school day full? Why not try to break the norm and shoot higher? What is wrong with that? Why am I being criticized for wanting more?
Here's where I'm wrapping it up. I think that every mom wants the best for their kid. I know that we moms obsess about our kids from the moment we conceive. What am I eating? How much caffeine am I taking in? Then they are born and we think, are they sleeping too much? Too little? Can I hold them too much? When should they start eating real stuff? And then they get bigger and we obsess about television, video games, friends, sports and school. We homeschool moms take it pretty personally when our way of life is criticized. Our kids are everything to us and when the way we are raising them is called into question, watch out, here comes momma bear. So, if we are all in this homeschool boat together, what does it matter if one person does something different than another? Why can't we be cheerleaders for each other instead of tearing them down? I guarantee that no matter how much stone throwing we do, when our kids get to college, there will be little difference between them. 1 Corinthians 10:31 says - "So whether you eat or drink [or homeschool] or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." I did put my own words in there but it applies. I'm not seeking man's glory, this people pleaser needs to focus on this, I'm seeking God's glory. I need to wear holes in my PJ knees, begging for mercy and wisdom raising and schooling my girls and be accountable to God alone.
