Homeschool Cavetching

This is the place that I can get it all out, right?  Please don't judge me, I have all this pent up frustration that needs an outlet. I have tortured Hubby enough with my frustrations, so I thought this would be a good forum to let it out.  To all 6 of you who follow this blog, I won't hold it against you if you stop reading right here.  Here.  That's good.  :)

I started homeschooling out of necessity, or what I deemed necessary.  We moved in the middle of October last year to a rent that we knew was going to be short term and about 30 minutes from where we wanted to settle.  After a month of living there we moved to another rent, pretty close to where we thought we wanted to settle.  There is a great Christian school about 15 minutes away, but we thought our lives were still in transition because Uncle Sam had come knocking and we knew we were headed over seas in a couple months.  And, in true Army fashion, a month before orders were to be cut, we were cut, meaning no moving.  Talk about a change in focus!  So we checked out the Christian school and were told by Hubby's superiors not to get too comfy where we are, they would move us back to down home sooner rather than later and around the same time the Army said...we want you....to come to Wisconsin!  It's at this point where I knew that the Christian school was once again not the option we wanted since we'd be moving again.  The ironic thing about all this...Hubby's superiors said, we want you to stay, and the Army said...we are closing down the Wisconsin mission...and we are back to being here and being totally content at the same time.  To me the peace that settled was only from one Place.

So, what's a girl to do besides settle in and get to really know those around her and those that are like minded.  Enter the Homeschoolers group.  Instead of being a non-participant-cuz-I'm-not-going-to-be- around-er I decided I'd participate.  Most of our meetings have been centered around extra curricular activities, not really what I was looking for in a group, but December's meeting the question was thrown out, "Any questions in general about homeschooling?"  There were no takers and I'm filled to the brim with questions, looking to glean knowledge from those who have been doing it a long time.  I'm not a novice, this is my 3rd year, but still, I'm all about making education better.  So, I open my mouth and say, "My 4th grader declared school 'boring'!"  I got lots of giggles and I knew I had kindred spirits in the group.  I'm not looking for school to be super exciting, it's school.  It is what it is, but I don't want it to be boring.  A few suggestions were thrown out but then the question of...what are you doing exactly? was made.  I laid out what Ariel is doing in school, Math, English, Spelling, Literature & Creative Writing, Science, Social Studies, Bible and Animal Science.  The horrified looks I got threw me for a loop!  The conversion then switched to maybe you could let something go, maybe you are trying to do too much, maybe the extra stuff could be dropped for a while, etc.  I was told I was an over achiever.  That actually made me feel very proud, I would so much rather be that than the opposite.  But all I could think of is...what am I doing that is extra?  What I am doing is what she would be expected to do if she was at school, Christian or public.  I then felt like I needed to be on the defensive and explain why I was doing what I was doing.  A few days later, a friend, who was not at the meeting, approaches me at a totally unrelated event and tells me that she heard about the meeting that knows that I am doing too much.  There are so many things that bothered me about that, let alone the statement that she made.

So here's my tirade.  Not all homeschoolers are looking for the easy way out.  Not all the mom's in the group that night thought I was crazy, but most of them did.  Why don't we as moms want our kids to have the very best education that our kids can get?  Ariel wants to be a doctor.  She is in 4th grade and I know that she will change her mind ten times between now and the time that she graduates.  Med school may not be where she chooses to go in the end, but I don't want med school to not be an option for her because I was neglectful in giving her the education that she needs.  If my job is to be the teacher for my girls, why wouldn't I want to push them, it's what I do.  It's the job that I have right now.  I don't have any accountability for my kids' education other than telling the state I'm homeschooling and sending them a test or portfolio each year of their progress.  I don't have a principal evaluating my work or parents telling me they think their kid is learning or not.  All I have are the grades that they are getting on their tests and I see the work that they do day in and day out, but I'm not a 1st or 4th grade teacher.  I don't know exactly what they are supposed know for their grade level.  I'm thankful for the people who have written their curriculum and I am trusting that they knew what they were doing.  I don't feel like I'm pushing my kids, I feel like they are living up to their potential.  They are both smart kids, I'm not talking genius, I'm talking smart, they know what they are doing and with a little coaching, they get it.  I'm thankful for that fact each and everyday.  So why not give them a normal work load, or a bit extra, when they can handle it fine?  Why not try to make their school day full?  Why not try to break the norm and shoot higher?  What is wrong with that?  Why am I being criticized for wanting more?

Here's where I'm wrapping it up.  I think that every mom wants the best for their kid.  I know that we moms obsess about our kids from the moment we conceive.  What am I eating?  How much caffeine am I taking in?  Then they are born and we think, are they sleeping too much?  Too little?  Can I hold them too much?  When should they start eating real stuff?  And then they get bigger and we obsess about television, video games, friends, sports and school.  We homeschool moms take it pretty personally when our way of life is criticized.  Our kids are everything to us and when the way we are raising them is called into question, watch out, here comes momma bear.   So, if we are all in this homeschool boat together, what does it matter if one person does something different than another?  Why can't we be cheerleaders for each other instead of tearing them down?  I guarantee that no matter how much stone throwing we do, when our kids get to college, there will be little difference between them.  1 Corinthians 10:31 says - "So whether you eat or drink [or homeschool] or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."  I did put my own words in there but it applies.  I'm not seeking man's glory, this people pleaser needs to focus on this, I'm seeking God's glory.  I need to wear holes in my PJ knees, begging for mercy and wisdom raising and schooling my girls and be accountable to God alone.

Answers are good

For the past few months we have been waiting to hear about Hubby's job, where the Head Shed wants him and how long we are going to have two homes.  The problem is, and it's actually not really a problem, the longer we are up home, the more it seems like home and the more comfortable it feels.  We, all four of us, love this new town and new friends and new church.  When I think about leaving and going back down home, it makes me sad, I keep thinking I want more time here.  But emotions are mixed because it will be nice to be back where we know that we will be forever.  I know at this point I am rambling, but it's hard to express how I feel.  Finally we have an answer, they want us to stay put a while longer.  I was so relieved because it is something that is not hanging in the balance any more.  I am excited about the prospect of hanging around here a while longer.  The potato plants are blooming and I'd love to see the harvest and now I know that we will be here to take part in it.  I know that soon after that the snow will be flying, but I'm okay with that.  Can you hear that sigh of relief? 

So, now to focus on the future, here, up home.  *contented sigh*

How much time has passed anyway?

A blog?  I have a blog?  Really?  Summer is wonderful.  It's my favorite, but it goes by way too fast, especially in the "tundra" that I live in.  The problem with summer is that we are always running here and there and everywhere soaking up every bit of vitamin D that one can possibly do in a northern climate.  The water is such a magnet when the temps soar, and I recgonize that temps soar to the upper 80's here, so that is a very relative term.  I say that I have the kiddos on a clubbing schedule, late to bed, late to rise.  Isn't that backward of what we are supposed to do?  But it's summer.  Today there is nothing to do except fix meals.  The house is clean, most of the laundry is done.  So after this information dump, I think I'll take my book outside and soak up those wonderfully warm rays of sunlight.

Speaking of books, I have fallen in love with David Baldacci.  He is great!  Love his books!  You like who dun 'em's?  This is good stuff.  The Camel Club is the first book in one of his series about, guess who?  The Camel Club.  Those guys are great!  I need more Camel Club since I have read them all now.  Please, Mr. Baldacci....I need another one!

School.  That's another thing in my long list of stressors at the moment.  We are homeschooling again this year and I'm excited about it because this year it's mine.  I have the ownership.  We will not be back down home anytime in the near future, if I can predict, so I'm not relying on the school as much as I did last year and that has a feeling of liberation to tell you the truth. 

Long list of stressors, you ask?  For the past year, I feel like we have been living on faith.  Faith that our Creator knows the best for our future and trusting Him to place our steps exactly where He wants them.  Hubby calls it being stretched.  I say, OUCH!  I'm dealing with my stretching day by day, but the last few days seem to have piled on a bit heavier than usual, and I'm sure there's hormonal issues involved, but it's been harder to keep it together.  I so wish that God would just show me what the plan is, let me glimpse into the future, but I know that's not happening, so again we are back to faith and stretching and ouch-ing and trusting.  My uncle said to me, Sarah, the Lord is always good.  He is.  I know it, way deep down I know it.  It's my life, how I've always lived, but that doesn't make it easy either.

Father, thank you for already knowing my family's future.  Thank you for directing us.  Help me to keep trusting and help me to always remember those memorial stones that have been set up previously to show me how you have always provided.

40 Days of Seeking Him - Day 29 ( I think! )

Suffering.  I have had heartache in my life, but suffering, I'm not really sure.  Jesus did.  A lot.  Last night our Pastor spoke on suffering and suffering well.  He went right to Job first off.  That man, how he got through what he did, I have no idea.  His wife, his best friends told him to curse God or that suffering was all his fault and he needed to get a grip, repent and stop sinning.  Then God spoke and shut them all up.

Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?  

Tell Me, if you have understanding.

Who determined its measurements

Surely you know!

Or who stretched the line upon it?

To what were it's foundations fastened?

Or who laid its cornerstone,

When the morning stars sang together,

And all the sons of God shouted for joy?

Job 38:4-7

God continues speaking in this fashion for another couple chapters reiterating that He alone is God and He alone knows why things happen they way that they do.  He never offers Job an explanation of why He did what He did and Job answers in the last chapter, "I know that You can do everything, that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You."  Amazing.  After all that suffering, Job acknowledges that God has total control and Job seems to be okay with that.  Where else would we run under suffering?  The way of the world?  It holds nothing that can satisfy.  Only God alone has the comfort and the peace that our aching heart needs. 

The weeks leading to the cross, Jesus knew what lied ahead of Him.  The suffering that He experienced I cannot even comprehend.  We had lots of heartache in our life last week, did you see that post?  It puts everything in to perspective, what is important and what is not.  Pastor finished his message with familiar verses, but verses that bring comfort and strength.  I Peter 4:12 states: "Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you, but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ's sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy."  Now, I realize that Peter is writing this letter to Christian that are being persecuted and martyred for the sake of the Gospel and that is not happening to us in our trials and sufferings, but I do think that we can gain comfort through these words in any trial that we find ourselves in.  Our pastor closed with this charge that I hope I will always keep in mind, "Suffer well."

The Peace that Passes all Understanding

Last Thursday night Hubby got a call that a Game Warden Pilot and friend hadn't been heard from for a few hours but that they weren't too worried, it could be a simple explanation.  The reason Hubby was called was that it was happening in his Troop.  Everything changed when we woke up.  The pilot still had not been located and they were bring in the troops.  I got word a few hours later that he had been found inside his crashed plane and that he was dead.  This wasn't just any pilot to us, he was our friend, our neighbor for a few years back down south, he and his family attended our church there for years and Hubby had coached both his sons in high school basketball.  Hubby did a great job keeping it together and he was asked on Saturday to do the eulogy for the funeral.  Fast forward to Wednesday.  The funeral was attended by over 1500 uniformed officers.  Every Game Warden was there along with a large contingency of Troopers and other Maine LEO's.  Fish and Wildlife Officers from all over New England as well as other states were there too.  It was amazing to see them all together, all moving in unison, it made me fall in love with my law enforcement family all over again.  He was given a grand send off, but more importantly, he loved God very much and I know exactly where he is and I look forward to seeing him again.

Before the funeral began, my sister in law told me that she had just gotten a call from the hospital that Hubby's grandfather was not doing well at all.  She was headed to the hospital with my mother in law to say goodbye.  After the funeral we found out that he had a heart attack but was improving.  After Hubby had completed all his obligations for the funeral and burial, we headed to the hospital.  We found out that he had stabilized and was doing remarkably better. 

After a pretty good night sleep, one of the first in a week, Hubby headed to a meeting in the southern part of the state, I dropped the girls off at school and headed to visit a friend who is suffering from a brain tumor that is inoperable.  When I got there she told me that she was glad that she was doing worse because she is so ready to see Jesus and get to Heaven.  Her kids are a bit younger than I am her husband passed away unexpectedly 2 years ago.  She has fought cancer as long as I have known her, I've been around almost 15 years.  It was so much more emotional than I could have ever anticipated.  How often do you get to say goodbye to some one?  I have never had that opportunity.  To say goodbye to someone who has had a profound impact on your life as a Christian, as a wife and as a mom is so hard.  She must have apologized for the way that she looked 3 times before she said, "See, Sarah, God is still working on me and my pride!"  Her tumor has given her some paralysis on the right side of her face and she is quite swollen from the prednisone that she had been on.  It was so nice to be able to pray with her and feel her peace, the peace that only God can give.

After I got a grip and left the house, I called my SIL to see if she needed anything, she was still at the hospital with Gramp and I ended up running food over to the wife of the pilot for her.  When I got to the house, which I figured would be still packed with people, I found only her, her son and her son's girlfriend.  It was so nice to be able to sit down with her.  I told her how well she had done the day before at the funeral and she attested to the peace of God that passes all understanding, she put the emphasis on the "all".  We talked about how people without a faith in God get through all the hard things that life throws at us, neither of us had an answer. 

On our way to head back up north, we stopped to see Gramp again.  He was sitting up in bed and eating everything on his plate.  I'm so thankful for God's mercy on his life.  We got a big snow storm up here, 12-14" on April Fool's day for us.  Our regular plow man didn't plow us out, it was his brother.  I went to check Facebook because our plow man's daughter had twin babies at about 24 weeks gestation and one of the babies had not been doing well.  I found out that the baby had died last night.  I cannot imagine loosing a child.  The aunt of the baby had posted a message stating "Ella entered the presence of the Lord at 7:40pm and was completely healed at that moment".  Again, the peace that only God can give is radiating from this family feeling this heavy loss. 

Why God does what He does, I will never understand when so much heartache accompanies it.  I do trust Him though.  I know that He is working out His perfect plan and I'm thankful to be a part of it.  But what I know is that He give us His peace, His peace that passes all understanding, a peace that you have no comprehension of until the very moment that you need it and He alone gives it.  I am so thankful for this peace, how does one get along in life with out it? 

He heals the broken hearted

And binds up their wounds.

He counts the number of the stars;

He calls them all by name.

His understanding is infinite.

Psalm 147:3-5

Thursdays Tied with Love and Laughter

Over at Our Family Forest, check out Jen's Meme.  I love them because they focus on our marriage!  If our marriage isn't a priority our family structure crumbles. 

This week she is asking the question about the best getaway with Hubby.  There is two that come to mind.  One was the celebration of our 10th year of marriage and we went to a B&B in Stowe, Vermont.  We had never been to a B&B before and it was wonderful!!  It was the first time that I had ever left the kids overnight but they weren't too far away and they were being spoiled by my parents. 

The other time that sticks out in my mind was actually courtesy of the Army.  Every once in a while the Army comes in with a nice perk.  The chaplains hosted a Strongbonds weekends in Cape Cod.  There were classes on conflict resolution and practice sessions too.  They carved out lots of date time though.  They let us loose on Saturday, early in the afternoon to go explore and be together and focus on each other.  We found ourselves at Cold Stone Creamery, the first time we'd ever been, at dinner time, what a treat!  Then went and did a bit of sight seeing, hit the beach at dusk and sat in a life guard chair watching the stars come out.  I think we got some Chinese later on, but it was just so nice to be away from home and the phone and the computer and the kids to have uninterrupted conversation and connection.  I love being with my kids, don't get me wrong, but I love being with my husband too.  He's my best friend, my confidant.  I appreciate him and really enjoy spending time with him. 

After all this talk I think I need to plan another getaway!

Lent Day 7

I'm working through the Bible study Loved by God by Liz Curtis Higgs.  I did parts of it years ago with the ladies group at our church.  It has been good this time because I have been able to take my time and go through it on my own pace, which has been painfully slow.  Today I read where Jacob wakes up after dreaming about the ladder going into Heaven.  Genesis 28:16-17 reads:

Then Jacob awoke from his sleep and said, "Surely the Lord is in this place, and 

I did not know it."  And he was afraid and said, "How awesome is this place!  

This is none other than the house of God, and this is the gate of Heaven!"

The study went on to talk about the fear of the Lord and how this fear should be manifested in our lives.  God is with me, He's with me all the time.  Why doesn't my life always reflect that?  I'm not a bad person, I don't have things that are overtly evil in my life, but it's all the little things.  Like not having enough patience, or a TV show that is inappropriate, or a regimented quiet time with the Lord, or I could go on and on, but I think you know what I mean.  Why is not that reverence there all the time?  I fall into the "out of sight, out of mind" mentality so much.  Every day I need to wake up and say, "Surely the Lord is in the place!" because He is!  It's kind of a scary thought to me, but how much richer would life be if, consciously, every day remind myself that God is here.