Being A Wife

A few of us girls at church started this book recently, along with some homeschool friends.  I had heard of the book before, but had never read it myself.  I thought it would be a great challenge to work on this aspect of my life.  So often it's the kids that I'm concentrating on, but if I have no marriage, I have no family.

I'm one of those lucky girls that married a man who loves me, cherishes me and actually wants to be with me.  Despite all my "warts", he loves me anyway.  I'd rather be with him than any one else.  This morning he was late for work because he plowed out the driveway and shoveled off the walkway so that the kids and I would be able to get to the Jeep with out getting snow in our shoes.

One of the things that the book talked about and was discussed last night was the idea of always trying to court him, always trying to act the way I did when I was trying to snag him.  I did act differently then.  Make-up and perfume were musts.  My clothes were clean and I always showered and shaved.  I'd be cute and smile-y, always flirting.  Now, fast forward 14 1/2 years, I struggle to make my hair into much more than a pony tail.  I shower every day for the shear fact that I can't stand myself.  Shaving....I bought replacement blades for my razor for the first time in a year...please don't take that as I haven't shaved in a year, it's just that it happens so infrequently that I don't change blades much.  Flirting is something I haven't given much thought to because I always thought that we had a deeper relationship and it wasn't really necessary.  I'm a natural smile-er, so I don't have to give it much thought, but I do know that I don't always greet him with one when the day has been rough.  How hard is it to smile, flirt and smell good?  No hard at all.  I still am totally in love with this guy!  I think it's more about being conscious about doing it.

Okay, he's in the driveway.  Pep talk to self.  Be nice, be nice.  Smile.  Did I put deodorant on?  Hmmm...wonder where that lip gloss is he put in my Christmas stocking?  A brush...I know it was here a minute ago.

How hard is that?  Not hard at all.  I think the hard part is the "want to".  So often I get on my high horse and think of all the stuff I did around the house and with the kids that I think I get more points for doing the most, when all he did was actually get out of the house and go hang with the guys for the day.  I know he had a lunch meeting with the Sheriff and coffee with the local Chief of police.  I happened to drop by the barracks and there he was, chatting in his office with his friend and classmate from the State Police Academy.  The list of my accomplishments at home is long....school with the kids, 5 loads of laundry folded and put away, dishes done (no dishwasher here), all the stuff from last night cleaned up from the living room, beds made, kids are clean, dinner is made and put on the table, only to have to sit and cold while he is sitting in the driveway on the phone.  Of course from his perspective, I've got to hang out with his beautiful children all day and spiffy up the house, while he has had meeting upon meeting with every one from the Sheriff to the local PD to the Sergeant who had issues in his section to trying make phone calls to reschedule training for the specialty team that he commands to accommodate the entire team so he doesn't have to do it when he walks through the door, he wants to play with the kids, not work.

Perspective is a good thing. 

I'm thankful for my marriage.  I'm thankful for my husband.  I love being married and I love being married to him.  I want the same for him.  I want him to not only love me because he is obligated to, due to the vows we took, but I want him to love me because I'm lovely, because it's fun to love me.  I want him to be glad to come home and be anxious to come home because I'm there.

No too much to ask, right?  :)